Getting to Know Myself

I’ve had the privilege to ponder on what motivates me, and probably, how it would affect my eventual career choice.

It’s times like these, when one enters into the final university year, that beckons one to take a pause and understand SELF better.

The stage was never really my calling. But I call the stage.
And I say this without any air of snobbishess or pride. But I say it solemnly, with quiet conviction.

I’ve not always been the actress on stage, but almost always, the director/scriptwriter of the show. The furthest I’ve got was playing the supporting role of the Cai Shen Ye (fortune god) in a Chinese New Year play when I was 15 (sec3).

Age 12: Wrote the lines of the rap for the National Day class performance in 1998. I even remember the lyrics till today.

Age 14: The more ‘enthu’ ones gathering the class to sing a song dedication for our form teacher. I wasn’t even the class monitor.

Age 15: Worked together on a class skit that spoofed the traditional story of Cinderella. The context was Chinese New Year, and this was where I played the fairy godmother in the persona of Cai Shen Ye.

Age 16: Another class skit for Chinese New Year set on the bizarre happenings when different cultures meet in a traditional Singaporean family. This time I stuck to my role as director and scriptwriter.

Age 17: First year of JC, I allowed my mind to stray during one Chinese class. In that 2 hours, I drew out the entire storyline for the skit we were to present to our graduating band seniors for the upcoming annual Band Dinner. The details of even the songs and which portion it should come in and fade out were thought out. Like a movie in my mind, I drafted the script out. The eventual performance was exactly as it played in my mind.

Age 18: Saints Muzica, a musical staged solely by the band. This was our proudest event. Again, I played the role of the stage manager/artiste manager/scene director. I loved seeing to the finer details that make a play look more professional. Probably the nitty-gritty details which others feel are unnecessary. On performance day, I was the overall stage manager, seeing that everything ran smoothly. Everyone had their part to play, and I enjoyed mine thoroughly.

Age 19 to 22: Somewhat lost because I didn’t have a regular class. Neither did I have a regular group of friends in CCA. On the brighter side, I experimented quite a lot. I tried emceeing; PR and sponsorship; jazz dance… and finally found my next love – Singing and Song writing. I started writing songs for church, for friends, for loved ones. And I got involved in this somewhat ad-hoc stage band as a vocalist in 2005. It is in its 3^rd generation now, with constantly changing members.

Point now, is, what motivates me?

Significance.

The ability to influence or initiate changes makes me feel empowered. Not in a power-hungry or blood-thirsty way. But my adrenaline pumps when there’s an event/project and when there’s a deadline and when I work with people, my creative juices go whacky. Just like jamming. I dare to try new things when I work with like-minded people. My energy is released in bursts of power, and works best when there is a project. A project means that there is a start, and most importantly, an end. And that’s when I recharge. I probably can’t do numbers crunching all day long; or sit deskbound reading emails and entering data; or answer neverending, meaningless phone calls; etc. The pent up energy in me might just blast my very brains.

So if I want to be able to initiate changes, and be heard, I need to be in the seat that allows me to do so. Hence, I won’t settle for that deskbound job that hides my face behind the cubicle wall. I want a room of my own. More than a room, but a voice in the meeting room.

I need to be heard. Able to create new things, oversee projects, just like the way I was in that AV control box during the musical. I need to be the director, not the artiste. I want to write my own songs and sing them, or get someone to sing them. That’s how I work. That’s what gets me going.

So, question is, what career path should I take that allows me to achieve that satisfaction I need. Or to be more focused, what path should I take in the Marketing Industry to achieve the above?

My calling has never really been the stage. I call the stage.

Sing………apore

Back (from left): Edric, Joel, Ashwin, Daniel. Front (from left): Jiamin, Joanna, Janice.

Ooh, I just realized that all the girls’ name start with ‘J’!!! 

13th July was the event called WAFF, which stands for Warm And Fuzzy Feeling, held at Youth Park.  The 3rd generation of what started out as Staircase2 got together for this gig with songs of Are You Happy Now? by Michelle Branch; Crushcrushcrush by Paramore; You and Me by Lifehouse; Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Greenday; Always Be My Baby as performed by David Cook and ended off with a blast of a time with Smooth by Santana. 

It was good fun!  And good exposure and experience for all of us!  A pity, either there wasn’t enough publicity, or the sweltering heat beckoned everyone indoors, not many people were there at that time.  But it was also good in a way, made me less nervous.  :P  So I could concentrate on having more fun with the band.  =)  Well, personally, I feel that I have lotsa room for improvement, the rest of the band was great!  Especially Ashwin, whom even Brian thought played fantastic!  Kudos!  Everyone was super… =)  Hope this band stays.. we need more gigs!!!~  =D

Will upload more pics!  It’s in Joel’s bro’s camera!  Stay tuned..

I’ve learnt that…

I’ve learnt that the swedish word for the bra is BH. And it’s pronounced “bee-ya-horr”. And it literally means Breast Holder. — Wow.

Spent the lovely spring afternoon with Sofia and Renee today. We had fika out in the open field in front of my hostel. It was the same place that we played Brännboll，the Swedish version of softball/baseball. The field was bordered with many other people like us, sitting on picnic mats, sleeping bags, drinking off their 1litre bottles, tummy-down with a book, sunshade over their eyes, and there we were, 3 sunny girls sitting on a big sleeping bag, with a big cuppa tea in their hands, snacking on Renee’s homemade Monster Muffins! My tea flavour was Strawberries & Cream, too! The strength of the sun’s glow made my skin tingle with excitement. Spring hasn’t really arrived yet, because the occasional breeze stole away the sun’s warmth, sending a slight chill through my body. Just a week more to go… I can’t wait. =)

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Attempted to make Beef Horfun this evening. Trust me, by my standards, it was a complete disappointment. It was probably a good thing, that only Sofia and Kaho were the guests. I should just stick to my Olive Fried Rice in future. Reason no.1) the fresh horfun must be used. Reason no.2) A proper wok on a gas STOVE is paramount. Bleah. Janice was a demoralised chef today. X.x

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Goteborg this weekend. Can’t wait. =)

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Spring Ushers in a Big Appetite

Had a presentation this morning –I’m thankful I’m on exchange now. A presentation of that quality would have been utterly shameful. Yet another project meeting tmr.. -sigh- The next presentation is going to be GOOD.

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Spring ushers in a new appetite which is bigger, fiercer and utterly unstoppable.

We made ourselves a western cuisine, Schnitzel (breaded chicken patty, yea we bought the frozen one), potato in onion cream sauce, mini pizza on sesame baguette and an amazingly huge loaf of garlic bread! The garlic bread was done the way I love it, next to raw! Just melted margarine made the bread soft, oozing with flavour! And the fresh garlic did its magic with it’s “spicy-ness”, the strength of its taste makes its presence in the mouth. Delightful. However, just halfway through the meal we felt SO FULL. We just couldn’t finish it and felt very ‘gao3′. Haha! That thought us a lesson.. we must ALWAYS cook less, coz we are always not as hungry as we think we are. And tmr, we will have PORRIDGE. Simple. Plain. Good.

Time to Touch Base | 80’s

It’s been 3 months and I guess it is probably time to touch base with my headquarters, Singapore.  I’ve already started the ball rolling by writing an email this morning, and I’m glad I did.  And maybe I should just keep writing something on my blog, even if it’s a short post.  Sometimes, I find the gap between what I’ve written last, and now, too wide to bridge in one post.  And it frustrates when I know that what I’m writing is not in chronological order, or that there is a sort of vacuum between the this post and the last.  But maybe, just for now, I’ll ignore that vacuum and start from the present.

The 80’s party - Saturday, 19th April 2008 @ Kantorsgatan

My corridor organized an 80’s themed party and finally, after weeks of date changes, the night for the party came!  The whole corridor (which was basically Alexander, Johanna and I) walked to the city centre to get our decorations for the party.  We were looking for a disco ball to hang in the dining room, which was to be transformed into a dance floor that night!  Went to the toy/children’s store called Leklust to look for our centerpiece.  Who would have guessed that we should have been looking up for the discoball, instead of down on the shelves and floors of the toy store because 3 of us, 6 pairs of eyes, totally missed the 3 discoballs hanging from the ceiling! We could have totally missed the discoballs if I didn’t catch a glimpse of a sample discoball stashed behind the cashier!  The 3 of us were elated and bought the medium-sized discoball.  =D

The party went pretty well, and I really liked the dance floor!  Grace’s LED bicycle light came in handy as a light source for the discoball and it gave the whole dance floor the ‘club-like atmosphere’!  We danced the night away to Karma Chameleon (karma karma karma karma karma chameleonnn….) , Michael Jackson hits, Uptown Girl, and all the classic 80’s hits!  Although I’d very much prefer dancing to R&B, t’was something different I guess. Dancing a-go-go style, doing silly ’swimming style’ dances, side steps, and all what seemed vaguely familiar to Grace and I. (haha! inside joke…)  So we had a moonwalker with white-funky shades, girls with side-ponytails dancing to ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’, someone in charge of spinning the discoball once in a while, Grace and I trying to be our own DJs by ensuring smooth transition between songs by playing with the volume… and it just goes on…. =)

So, what did I wear?  I wore an oversized big green top, clasped down with a black & gold belt, a miniskirt and PURPLE STOCKINGS.  And I had my hair high up in a side-ponytail!  Grace wore suspenders and I just couldn’t help *piaking* them! =P

the only =( is that someone had to spill beer in my room and it got onto my comforter.  So I had to remove the comforter and slept w/o my blanket that night.  I jacked up the heater in my room (worked fine) and used a big towel as a blankie instead.  Oh, and I had to do the laundry the next Sunday morning.  -.-

Piccies:

Choklad Fondue i Uppsala

Blogging is a habit I find hard to keep. =P

Instead, I blog mentally most of the time, to myself.  But let’s just take things from here for today!

The second half of the semester has just begun this week — International Marketing.  It’s a pretty neat module, with a professor who knew what he was doing.  This is a 15credit course, instead of the usual 7.5credit (normal) courses that were offered.  In other words, the expectations for this course are naturally much higher.  After the first compulsory lecture (where only half the class turned up f0r), the expectations and intensity of the module were made known to us.  My heart groaned at the amount of research, projects and seminars I had to do, coupled with a Final Thesis and an individual exam.  The second lecture spun off with the Professor telling us the very fundamentals of Marketing, which I found was, unnecessary.  But I just treated it as a recap, because he presents the basic in a different way, which I found more easy to absorb.  Or maybe I was just too familiar with the basic concepts.  Bottom line was — it was a relaxing lecture.  I have a seminar coming up, and that would need solid research with a 3 page essay and send it out 24hrs before the seminar itself.  Then we will need to present on ANOTHER group’s 3-page essay (that was sent out 24 hrs before the seminar).  Which I find so odd.  In effect, we have to be well-versed in 2 topics, instead of one.  I have yet to start on the research, but as you read this entry, consider it done.

Had a chocolate fondue gathering over at Grace and My place last night!  It was a somewhat last minute decision after we realised that we had Strawberries, Kiwi, Orange and Bananas in our stash.  These fruits just had to go with chocolate!  And so, we invited Kaho and Daniel too.  So I made a last minute dash to the supermarket (left at 8.55pm, supermarket closes at 9pm….) to get the chocolates.  Techinically, it was closed when I got there.  But I ran up to the cashier and asked if I could just grab some chocolates.  She looked puzzled at first, but smiled when I explained that I wanted to make chocolate fondue.  So she asked me to be quick and I made a dash around the empty supermarket.  It was actually quite fun, like I was on some Supermarket Competition/TV Game.  I was familiar with the shelves and made an accurate dash to the chocolates bars, the milk and Grace’s euroshopper cookies.  Panting, I made my payment and couldn’t stop smiling all the way back at the tremendous luck I had.  If the supermarket had been closed, it would have been a tragedy!

Fruits were cut and arranged | Alexander came in and said “are you making something pretty?” | Chocolates melted | Candles lit | Kaho and Daniel arrived | Cameras Ready | EAT |

They tried to make me drink up the rest of the chocolate but I protested, proposing the game ‘Zhong Ji Mi Ma’ to be played instead.  Drinking a mouthful of chocolate was to be the forfeit.   The 2 Swedes lost EVERY round. I. Can’t. Believe. It.  Daniel had to drink 3 rounds, and Kaho drank 4.  Grace and I emerged unscathed.  The thing about the game was that the more you tried to second guess the number, you are more likely to guess it.  And that was exactly what happened to the poor fellas.  We laughed till our stomachs ached and jaws tightened at the reactions when they lost.  Very very entertaining!

Then we decided to blow out the candles —– from where we were seated (distance btwn our chair and candles = 2m).  So it was crazy.  We huffed and puffed like CRAZY people (obviously high on the chocolate).  Started scheming strategies that incorporated focus and physics… alot of exhausted laughter broke out in between every now and then.  Goodness this went on till 2am!  Now, who needs booze when you have chocolate?  [i still have 300g of chocolate in the fridge!]

Blog-crastination

it’s been some time. =)

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A month has passed for me in Uppsala, Sweden. Quite quickly, in fact. By the time I got my bike, and start to get really used to life here, making new friends, keeping in touch with loved ones back home in Singapore, and just going around schoolwork — A month has really passed.

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But time paused for a moment this Sunday afternoon.

-Taken at Gamla Uppsala, the Old Town of Uppsala.-

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Only 2 things have the power to take my breath away — Love, and Nature.

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Time smiled warmly, and asked if it could sit beside me for a while. Time took out a paintbrush and painted this..

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“It’s beautiful!” I thought to myself. And Time nodded knowingly, and smiled. The air was crisp — scented with the warm glow of the sun. It was better than sleeping in on a Sunday morning; better than a hip & hyped up party; it was like a meaningful conversation. Time just sat beside me for that moment, and I could hear it breathe. It was very, very nice.

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I love to imagine.

Power!!

Amazing! Never knew this song was created this way! I love her voice too!

Was watching this all night yesterday.. It’s from Britain’s Got Talent. =) Connie Talbot is so sweet!

Semi-Finals:

Amazing Talent! The finals.. the full song:

THE ULTIMATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:

Ok here’s the compilation of the BEST from Britain’s Got Talent!

Lovely Sunday

Today has to be one of the most lovely days for me in Uppsala.

Waking up without the alarm clock’s nagging was a very good feeling. A sleepy-eyed glance out of the window to a vast of pure, fresh snow makes me smile. There’s this drousy-lazy feeling that snow gives me. Time seems to pause for a moment, beckoning me to take in a few more deep breaths of fresh crisp air. What will make this day extra special for me, is that I will be going to a church service this morning.

It is true, that one can never find true peace if he/she hasn’t found Jesus. And just being somewhat ‘away’ or disconnected from God this past 2 weeks has made me somewhat lost, and empty inside. I needed to stay connected. Going to church doesn’t make one a Christian, but I’d say it is only but a means of staying connected. And staying connected is the point that is important. I’m thankful that there was English translator through this device, where we plugged in headphones and hear the voice of the translator in the AV box above. It really helped. =) It was even more heartening that they sang familiar songs, only in Swedish. But I loved these songs and memorised them, and just sang together with them in English, of course. But I was ministered and I couldn’t help but thank God for placing me in Kantorsgatan, where this church was only 5 to 10min stroll away. It’s amazing what God has planned out for me. Simply beautiful. And then, they sang ‘Above All’ in English and my eyes stung with tears. Experiencing God in a foreign land is indeed comforting. “I will never leave, nor forsake you” and as long as I seek Him, I will definitely find Him. I’m just in awe and at peace — I feel rested for the first time in Uppsala.

And I just have to mention that the worship leaders sung very very well. I don’t know, but maybe because I’m a worship leader myself, I observed them. And although it was in Swedish, the translator was interpreting the words as best as she could, and I thought they sung extremely beautifully. And all they had was the grand piano and a bass guitar and solid beautiful voices. Amazing. (Their sound systems were Bose, but that’s probably besides the point. :P) I was ministered through their singing.

Fika after service was nice too. It was seriously European style living, where we sat by the window, with little coffee cups on saucers, eating cakes and cookies with a flask of coffee, with a view of the outside snow floating down. Spoke to Carl (from america, also from int’l bible study) and he was sharing with me about cultural anthropology. Amazing. That’s exactly what I wanted to really understand — the culture in sweden and its people. It was a light hearted yet meaningful conversation which I appreciated and it has enriched my understanding of how “moderation” is so infused into the Swedish culture and how it can be different/similar to American and Asian cultures.

The stroll back alone was fantastic. Padded snugly with my parka coat and my fur-rimmed hood over my head, I made my way through 4 inches deep of snow. Snow glided past me, sitting itself onto the snow-filled path. Snow is the simply the purest of white I have ever seen. I could stay out in the snow alone all day simply because it makes me smile. Love it!

And what’s more lovely to Skype with my family and my sweetheart when I get back to my room. I really wish that they could be here with me to enjoy and take in all these beautiful things. Hard to express it, but I wish more, that they could be here with me, rather than me back home in Singapore with them. Because in here, it’s simply AMAZING. The world can actually be so so beautiful. The grass is probably greener on the other side, but at least on this side, there is SNOW! =)

Well, this is my lovely Sunday. I wish my sweetheart could be here with me. We could have snowball fights, make snowmen and snow angels… It’d be perfect. =) I miss you.

Lovely.. lovely. =)

Some students building a Snowman!

~*`*`~ SnOwiNgGg ~`*`*~’

It is finally snowing here. Not everyday, but it has been the 2nd time yesterday.. and it’s really beautiful! Fresh snow is the best because it’s like icing sugar.. and when it’s snowing, you open your mouth and some gets onto your lips — can be fun! =D

Well, snow is crystals right? So in fact, the streets are lined with sparkling crystal when light falls upon them. The way home in the evening is a fantastic sight.. most Swedes might overlook this.. but their streets are actually lined with GLITTER and SPARKLING CRYSTALS! It’s so so wonderful! =D And everything is so picturesque.. with snow hanging on the edge of leaves (in Singapore the best imitation is pathetic cotton wool! puh-lease) And making footprints in the snow as your feet sink it 3 inches down… and the luminous PURE white vastness of snow is simply overwhelming! =) Lurve it!!

Only downside is when it melts and it becomes Slush.. it’s not very pretty. ‘Slush’ is a really good word coz it really describes it.. just keep saying ’slushhhh’ repeatedly with the ’shhhh’ at the back and you get what I mean… coz it’s like melted SORBET .. but only it’s grey-brown in colour.. like black sesame sorbet with some milo powder. HA! Yeah but you get the picture… oh well.. =D Enjoy!Snow on my Window Sill!

Bicycles in the Snow!I Love Snow!I Love Love Love Snow!!Snow Dog!

Sun and the Snow

View from my room

Cathedral in the Snow

Peak Out From Inside

See the Snow? Esp the heartshaped one!

Yours Truly!

A walk in the Park can be very rewarding

Amazing!

Lord of the Rings? ha!

Simply love it!

Footprints in the Snow

Checkout my Addidas Goodyear Tyre Shoe!