2 WEEKS IN SWEDEN, UPPSALA!!

This is probably the moment I have been waiting for all my life.

On the 16th of January, I found myself on a 16-hour flight filled with Europeans. Not that I have a problem with them, but I have never seen so many of them on a plane before. That probably proves how little of the world I have seen. So yea, even the tiniest things amaze me.

So, why do I want to send myself to the other side of the globe– leaving behind the world I am familiar with and all who mean alot to me?

I asked myself what I wanted to do with this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Do I want to maximise it or just be safe? And I spoke to my prof and she asked me how badly I wanted it. And as they say, the rest is history.

Sweden is a country that is heard much, but known little of – in my opinion. Never overrated yet its presence is somehow still felt. When one mentions the country Sweden — your eyes light up.. but you sometimes dont’ exactly know why it lights up. And that’s why I say it is heard of much, but known very little about. So that’s one of the reasons I want to explore and emerge myself into this mysterious, make-ur-eyes-light-up country. =)

Another reason is probably because I am sick and tired of studying in SMU. Or rather, Singapore. I wanted some moment in time, to find myself again. The pace is definitely slower… and ‘when you pause to smell the lilies’, life seems much sweeter.

Aside from the 34kg + 10kg baggage, there isn’t really much obligatory baggage to score those A’s, or have any real authority over my shoulder. It feels good being in almost complete control — independence and freedom to think on my own two feet. I guess there is an apparent sense of empowerment which I am proud of. But at the same time, knowing that there are loved ones back home supporting and caring to know about me while I am in Sweden is also a great source of warmth and comfort.

I don’t wanna just put a ‘check’ onto Sweden as ‘one of the countries i’ve been to’. My goal here is to really understand the people and their way of life. Why do they do the things they do? What is the political sentiments? What are their views about life? What makes them happy? And one of the ways is to understand their language, and hence, their culture and their habits and their emotions. What are they proud of? What makes them tick? Do I speak to just a few Swedish and generalise the entire population? Or do i want to really know what it is like to be a Swedish — in this short 5 months. What am I going to do with it?

I’ve met people from Finland; Poland; Spain; Hong Kong; China; England; the US; Korea; Turkey… and what hit me is that, which I think is best summed up in this line… “The World, isn’t just known as ‘The World’ any longer”. Back home in Singapore, I find myself saying or reading or hearing things like, “The world is so small”, or “This is nothing compared to the rest of the world”, or “Go to the ends of the earth” or “The rest of the world”… you know, these kind of phrases that we use so often only has its weight now. Because the world, is really made up of people. And we can’t simply say “the world will be affected” when we don’t grasp the true meaning of it.

My world was only Singapore. That’s the real truth. I never saw the world, so big, so beautiful, so amazing and so fascinating. I never saw people of the world to be so similar, yet so distinct all at the same time. And this is only Sweden.

Cooking is now more of a means of survival (to cut cost) and a way of teleporting ourselves, momentarily, back home through our tastebuds and all the chemical reactions that set our hearts to have that warm-fuzzy-feeling. We have learnt some ROCK-HARD lessons about the microwave, as well as the amount of effort required to prepare a simple meal (all of you give ur mum/dad a big hug, now!). But all’s well and at least, I love cooking. Meatballs only last you for a week, and then you start craving for rice, chup chye and oyster sauce and garlic. =P

This first post in Sweden probably is more thought-filled. I realise that I always do that whenever I blog. The pictures will come up later… =)

Erratic weather in Singapore? Rain/shine; Rain/shine? Well, in Sweden, it’s erratic to them because it is supposed to be -10 degrees when it’s only, yes they say, only, -1 degree lowest. -shrug- If this isn’t global warming, I seriously wonder what else it would be. Come on people, if Keynesian theory says in the long run, when we are all dead, i think the long run isn’t too far off anymore. -doh-

Off now!
-J

Bangkok, Christmas, School and Next Year

Merry Christmas! It’s really the most wonderful time of the year for me. It’s virtually a worry-free season, although I might not say the same thing once I start work –having to work after the 25th of Dec.

Bangkok was excellent! We were mostly on-foot, travelling via their BTS (local mrt) system. It was shopper’s galore as almost every street, nook and corner are filled with peddlers selling clothes, toys and food. A shoppers’ MUST GO destinations are Platinum Shopping Centre and MBK. And if you’re thinking of going free & easy, it’s good to do your research! =) And have a good pair of walking sandals/shoes! =P

As the year comes to a near close, I would like to recall how 2007 has been for me. I could remember more vividly the events from Sept/Oct onwards. This year I turn 21. The birthday party was heartwarming, and I’m thankful that I have so many good, steadfast friends who have been there with me as I grew up. I will always remember my first pinnata bashing session — how I almost injured someone when a part of my umbrella broke and flew across the room! How beautifully decorated the room was — the blood and sweat of Brian, Ada and a bunch of really good friends! And also the song that was written for me… =)

School has been kind to me. This term’s project group mates have been more than nice. Advertising was great — met really sweet, smart and creative people in advertising. And it has shown me how working with like-minded yet constructively different people make the process enriching, fulfilling and synergistic-ally exciting. We must have been one of the most effective teams. Eye opener. Thank you jasmine, fangz, chunyong, david & kallis.

Ethics was fun too. It was one of the most relaxed project task I’ve had. Our team had just the right amount of balance between slacking and getting our job done, well. Well done! Thanks Andre, Andy, Amy, Vannessa & YC!

BP was stressfully exciting. I still remember the times we wanted to hit our heads against the wall whilst playing the simulation game. Meeting just an hour before the game started — getting drained of our brain juices, thinking of a solution to the game. Operations management was never for me, and I appreciate the brain juices of the other teammates! Haha, but we still had lotsa fun. I got addicted to bubble tea because of our project… thanks jevin, ailin & terence.

MR. What can I say. Without my team mates, it would have been one of the most boring modules I have ever taken! But I’ve met really great people there, like xiaowei! And liana too — I won’t forget your housefly shirt (which you thought were butterflies! =P) Very interesting people — it was an enriching experience with you all! Thanks tim, cheryl, lawrence, liana and XW!

Last but not least, the killer FIIM module. The mid-term test was a massacre. The final exam was not too bad. But we’ve survived A.S.K’s finance course and it’s something to give ourselves a pat on the back for. I love the team. Never complaining, relaxed but yet, super cooperative. Cool. Thanks weeboon, peiying & zhiqi! u guys rock.

It pretty much sounds like a thank-you speech. But this term’s modules hve been crazy, but thank God for beautiful people that have made life in smu much more bearable.

Also, as this year comes to a close, the next 5 months ahead will be spent in Sweden. Pretty much on my own — besides the friends I’ll make over there. I am in a state of mind where I do not know what to expect, really. I still cannot imagine being there, so far away from home, alone. I am excited, yet I know it’ll take some adjusting to. There will be people and things I’ll be leaving behind. But I hope that I’ll have a more warrior/fighter attitude once I’m there. I like to think of myself as a tough, enduring and a fighter. The truth of this will be tested when I’m there. I’ll probably learn alot more of myself there. I’m probably more physically prepared than I am, mentally. Oh well.

Goodness

I’ve been having to deal with expiry dates alot today. I just gargled a mouthwash, only to realise that it expires in October 2006! I immediately rinsed my mouth with water! Earlier on I directed expired tubs of antiseptic cream, antibacterial powder, etc to the bin. Now, those of you who are reading this, you had better check the expiry dates of your items, NOW. Coz it seems that in Dec 2007, most of the items that we have on our shelves would have expired. Ha.Ha.I’ll be flying off to Bangkok tomorrow afternoon. I am already anticipating YUMMY FOOD and CRAZY SHOPPING! It’s gonna be really fun, I’m sure! ^^ Tom yum..phad thai..thai fish cake..green curry..beef noodles.. ORIGINAL STUFF! woo hoo!! Bag is packed, everything — checked! *hungry*

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Spoke with my Dad over dinner today, and I thank God for the meaningful conversation we had.  It’s been a long time.  Initially I thought my dad wanted me to go into the Finance industry, because it paid well — better than Marketing/Advertising, at least. However today’s conversation made me realise that I have misunderstood his intentions. Instead, he encouraged me to pursue what I love and my passion, and even said that he knows I have a better knack for people, the creatives, ideas, projects, hands-on, result-oriented, etc. as compared to figures. This has made my decision-making process a lot more encouraging and assuring. At least, I knew my dad supports me alot.  I’ve also affirmed myself that it is better to sweat it out for something I am passionate about, than for the sake of money. I love Papa. Thank you! You really made my day, and I am even more determined to clinch that internship and find out what I really want, or rather, what God has in store for me, in life. =)

I am thankful, so thankful for my Mum & Dad. To allow me to pursue my passion, to give me the room to grow, the freedom to decide, and the support in the decisions I make. Giving me room to make mistakes, yet having the wisdom to guide and advice. Thank you for your lifestories, that have made me understand you better. Though there are times I may have disappointed — and things I have taken for granted — deep down inside, you are the only people I know I could trust for unconditional support and love. I am 21, but I still feel alot like a kid when I think of how cruel this world can be. I am only safe in both your arms. I am only safe in our home. I am safe in your smiles, your hugs, your everything! And I thank God, because there is nothing more I could ask for, because both of you gave nothing less than I needed to grow, to learn, to cherish, to encourage and to love people around me — to become the person I am. God has been so good to us.

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Something about blogging — is that it makes me wanna reflect deeper and deeper. Amazing. We try to understand the world — yet it takes a lifetime to understand ourselves alone. With each day we find that we didn’t understand ourselves as wel as we did the day before. And this goes on and on for our whole life. Each day, each year we redefine ourselves, we re-understand ourselves, and I think it’s simply amazing. The fact that our understanding or ourselves is forever ‘mutating’, it just leads me to recall how we should not use Man-made rules/conduct as our benchmark (which is everchanging) but instead, should look to the unchanging character of God to live our lives. Because who is to say what is good , and what is bad? What is good with Man is relative; what is good with God, is good, in every sense of it.

Today Is Sunday

Beautiful Sunday.  Led worship today, and the course of preparing for it has rejuvenated my mind and my soul.  The week or so I spent thinking through the songs and the verses and words to say had been a challenging one.  I had this ‘mental block’ and I just couldn’t think straight becuase I would get so distracted every time.  I find that this is usually so almost every week, and I spend my time praying and praying, asking and asking God about what I should say, what He wants me to say.  What would work out this week?  And as I get tired, it gets tempting to not-think-so-much.  But I always remind myself that it is not about me, but about God.  And He is probably the only reason why I can convince myself out of taking the easy way out.  And through this, it never ceases to renew, renew and renew. 

I get this adrenaline rush everytime I lead worship, my face feels flushed, and when it’s over, I get SUPERRRR tired.  Haha, but when I do get my afternoon nap, I sleep with a smile on my face.  Smiling, because of the privilege to serve God.  Smiling not because of any merit of my own, but that God is glorified.  And how much I have grown since I have started serving. 

 I remember how I had always wanted to be a worship leader since I was 12 or 13.  But the motivations behind them weren’t exactly right.  I thought that as a worship leader, I could be in charge and hence, choose my favourite songs.  So I could choose nice songs to sing, and ignore the song that did not appeal to me, or the songs that I did not know.  I liked singing familiar tunes, and I thought that as a worship leader, I had the power to control the songs that were sung.  I also saw being a worship leader as a platform for me to sing.  I thought it was cool to be singing in front.  It just felt nice to be up there.  It seemed like a ‘concert’ to me.  I always wanted to be a worship leader for almost every wrong reason — and these reasons could have had very devastating consequences. 

Each year at church camps, the yearning to be in the worship team just got stronger and stronger.  I wanted to sing the song 3 times instead of 2; i wanted to get the guys to sing one verse and the girls to sing the other; I thought I could make it better; it was always about me.  And I often prayed to God, asking Him to let me be one.  I was too shy to actually approach the person in charge to ask if I could be in the team, so I secretly wished in my heart for someone to approach me, talk about it, and that’s when i ’sneak’ in my interest in being a worship leader.

It never happened.  For such a longgg longgg time.  

Instead, I signed myself up to play the piano.  I was really nervous then.  Probably 14 years old?  i still remembered that the first time I played in my youth service was over at the old church buildling, in the room built outside the multi-purpose hall, beside the sinks.  The room was between the staircase that led to the classrooms and the MPH.  I could remember every single detail up till today, and where the piano was situated.  It was the period of time when transparencies & projectors were used to flash the lyrics onto the screen.    I still remembered Sharon’s encouragements.  I really miss Sharon.

Did you know that I learnt to play chord accompliment from a primary 1 or 2 boy?  It was Agnes’s younger brother.  I did not know how to go about it, then I was watching this little boy playing the piano one day and I just observed.  I would never forget that moment, somehow.

So keyboard alll the way for 4 years.  There, I observed how worship leaders led.  I observed and I observed and I, observed.  They always seemed so prepared.  And I wondered what went on in their minds.  How they felt when they were up there. How did they know what to say, or whether what they said was right/appropriate, etc. 

It wasn’t until last year in 2006, that Dancia and Laiwah asked if I was ready to serve as a worship leader. 

I remember I was like “Wowww, it’s been quite a while since I remembered praying to God for a sign or confirmation to letting me be a W.L.”  It was a good whole 5 years since!  I did say yes, but they still had me on ‘probation’ (the word’s not as bad as it sounds! I can’t think of a better word. =P)  It was during the ‘At The Well’ series for senior DG, that I led my first worship session of a small group — the song was How Great Is Our God. 

Indeed, how great is our God.    The 2nd year is now coming to a close, and it has been a wild roller coaster ride for me.  I remember Kelvin saying once, that we can’t just sit by the side of the pool and dip our toes into the pool – just playing around the surface.  But in order to experience God’s fullness, grace and love, we gotta DIVE right into the pool!  Great leap of faith.  But all worth it.  I have learnt so so much ever since I made that commitment.  It wasn’t smooth sailing.  There were times I almost drowned, times I felt SOOOO tired treading water, times I felt likes I was swimming in quicksand rather than water, times when I wanted to give up….

I felt tired ‘treading water’ whenever I was scheduled when I was feeling spiritually dry.  It was the feeling of having to tell someone ‘it’s okay’ when I myself, am not convinced.  It was times like these when I did not like feeling like a hypocrite.  Everyone has their weaknesses, so do WLs.  Initially, I kept all these thoughts to myself, afraid that if I told anyone, it would not be ‘good’ for me to be a WL.  I carried this unnecessary baggage, until I began to open up, and told some of the people around me outright, that I was feeling spiritually dry.  God knew and understood and put people around me who encouraged me, and assured me that it was normal and nothing wrong to be feeling this way.  I learnt to accept that it is okay to be down.  And I also learnt that I did not have to be a hypocrite when I am experiencing my down-and-out moments.  I have learnt to put these down-and-out moments in front of God, and to be absolutely real with Him.  “this is how i feel, please tell me what to do”.  It took practice and a lot of prayer and focus, and alot of desire as well.  But God has taught me that He would use me in every situation to make my service more REAL.  By searching my inner most thoughts, I find myself better able to connect with the congregation.  A WL does not have to be living perfectly, all smiles–no tears.  And over this 1+ years, I have learnt to be more and more REAL.  It has even become a standard that I live by as a WL.  How amazing God puts things in place — in His time. 

I felt like giving up when I vividly remember this incident.  I was to lead worship and I took time to choose the songs carefully.  However, I did not prepare the Key I wanted to sing them in.  It caused alot of time and confusion, and even frustration for my musicians — they felt that I was not prepared.  And I was deeply hurt.  Not by them, but for just feeling inadequate.  I thank God for Yvonne.  She was honest with me, and I think we both remember that I broke down.  I could not take the stress then.  I really didn’t want things to work out that way.  Yvonne was a strong encouragement to me then, she knew it was not easy.  She understood.   As a WL, having to coordinate not only the songs, but the chords of the songs, the musicians, the powerpoint slides, and on the sunday itself — like an octopus!  But God’s grace is definitely enough.  Squeezing time here and there to do up the slides, I can even find a suitable key for the song chords online using Virtual Keyboard, and seriously, by God’s grace, every Sunday, His hand guides me and comforts me.  And for these 2 years it has been like that… rollercoaster UPPPPP, rollercoaster DOWNNNN.  But now I am learning to manage my DOWWWNNNSSS and it has helped me come to understand and see God from a closer,more upfront perspective.  I could pour out my joy, complains, sadness, hurts and worries to Him.  And He never fails to provide, provide and provide.  ENDLESS!

I believe that during the 5 years of ‘waiting’, God was preparing me.  He knew I wasn’t ready 7 years ago.  Although the desire was there, the motivations were out of place.  And this is how God nurtures us.  He uses the LONGGGGGGGG TERMMMM approach.  5 years.  To me, 5 years was so long that I even began to forget what I prayed.  But to Him, 5 years was perfect.  Choosing my favourite songs to sing is no longer my priority.  But I have began to look into the lyrics of songs.  I place utmost importance in lyrics.  Because a melody or tune can just be any song.  What makes a song? A song or praise to God is not how beautiful the melody is, but what the song says — the lyrics.  Lyrics.. lyrics.. lyrics.  That’s why sometimes, when I can’t find the right song with the right lyrics, I start writing my own.  With the sole purpose of expressing what I want to say, what the people might want to sing/say.  And I thank God for putting musically talented people all around me.  Music & lyrics play such a big role in my life, especially most recently.  I have written songs for people dear to me, who mean the world to me, and who have touched me.  And I don’t think that’s gonna stop. 

The world says that we Christians paint a beautiful picture of life on earth.  No, the picture that is painted before us ain’t waterfalls, gardens and bird and flowers and beautiful things.  We see the same picture as the eyes of the rest of the world.  The only difference is that, we know the Painter.  And that is enough, to keep us singing, praising and dancing. 

And this quote that I learnt from sermon today also captures the essence.  “Those that danced were thought to be quite insane by those that could not hear the music.” -Angela Monet. 

It’s beginning to feel alot like Christmas~

It’s really beginning to feel alot like Christmas.  Now that the dreaded exams are over, I am able to start on doing the things I really love, and spending time with the people who mean alot to me.

Back on track with food hunting — I’m looking forward to dinner at Joo Chiat Road this Wednesday!  Tofu Prawns, ’siong’ fish head… these are the 2 must-trys over there!  Had Shark Meat Lor Mee, Tau Kua Pau, Kway Chap, Chwee Kueh @ Tiong Bahru Market last week!  It was a feast Wilford, Brian and I had to welcome Wilford back to Singapore.  He hasn’t eaten Singapore food for 4 months and he’s already showing such symptoms of food-home-sickness.  I wonder how I’m gonna survive without Singapore’s food for almost 6 months!  =\  Please send food over.  (not the pictures just to tempt me huh).

Back on track with exercise — Well not exactly.  But at least I’ve started my kickboxing regime again!  Pilates should follow after that.  Gym runs (probably, cos they are soooo boring.  Running in air-con is so bad for me, smeowly!).  I’d prefer a run in the park but I am so bad at pacing myself.  And probably more shopping on high heels to work those calves, thighs and butt! =P

Back on track with blogging — As you can see. =)  I’ve switched over to WordPress.  Thanks to Jared, who suggested it to me, I do agree, it is a more powerful tool; more professional looking.  Although it kinda limits what I can really do with regards to its layout and html stuff, it is really sufficient for me.  Only downside is that I can’t post a Shoutout or Cbox on it.  So please leave your comments, I’ll definitely read them. =)  As you can all see, I’ve other pages such as ‘Upcoming Events’ in my life and a personal music & lyrics page (restricted, password needed. music integrity, or whatever u call it. =P), as well as yea, my private blog where I have my own private muses.  Haha!  But what’s exciting is the categories (‘The Wine List’).  I can now categorise my entries and it’ll be useful, espeically for the ‘food’ section!  I shall put up an official food critique page in time to come.  =)  Specially dedicated to all you ‘food hunters’! 

I’ve been busy preparing for my Sweden trip — applying for VISA, settling insurance, getting suitable clothes, etc.  Thankfully, it has not driven me nutz.  Things seem to be going on pretty well, and the only thing that’s holding me back from flying off to Sweden is a part of me that wants to stay on in Singapore, hating to leave cos’ I’d miss you so much.  =|  But time will surely fly, and I’ll be back in a jiffy!  I promise. =)

So much catching up to do!  Debbie’s back in Singapore from the land of the Kiwis!  And I wanna catch up with Chng – gosh i miss you so!  And also with Ada — it’s been some time since we talked!  Funny how we are always playing ‘catch’… how time is always not on our side… hopefully not this time round in December!  =) 

I have a smile on my face.  It’s really beginning to feel alot like Christmas!

Controversy – is it, really? A ton of thoughts for a Sunday night…

Today’s sermon has caused my mind to think a far lot deeper (than I often do, ha!) What I learnt is that if God matters, then what the world speaks of, doesn’t. Here goes…Controversy – is it, really?What makes something controversial? It is when the difference between what is right, and what is wrong, falls in a grey area. Such that it becomes debatable.

So then, why do we Christians agree with what the world labels as ‘controversial’ issues? Clueless at what I’m trying to say? Let me explain.

The world tells us that the topic of homosexuality falls into the ‘controversial’ category. Pornography, violence – be it in games or movies or in reality, gambling, telling lies – white lies or not; etc. All these have been termed as ‘controversial’ issues. However, they are but a means of evading the truth – to confuse us and put the thought that “hmm, maybe there really is some justification to it”. Probably to give false hope to both parties of the camp. I shall not delve into any political questioning.

Brothers & sisters, it really isn’t that hard to tell right from wrong in this world. We have to look at it in through the eyes and heart of God.

We believe that God is the creator, who created both man, and woman, to live together. This has to mean that we have been designed for each other from the beginning. Homosexuality was never part of the plan, and definitely could not be any result of evolution (adaptations to the environment of any living species) because evolution (that Man came from apes) does not exist. There, black and white. It clearly does not fall into any grey area. So is it debatable? Clearly not. So the world tells you that we have human rights, we have freedom to choose our sexuality, etc. Yes, go ahead and choose. But the freedom to choose doesn’t make that decision the right one, in God’s eyes.

But do not shun homosexuals because we are to love one another in brotherly/sisterly, wholesome love. I say, shun the act of homosexuality, but never shun the person. With gentleness and respect, guide and direct that brother or sister toward God. They say “don’t win the battle but lose the war”. Likewise, don’t lose the war for souls for God.

We are also told not to participate in any form of sexual immorality. Does skimming the boundaries of sexual immorality make our conduct any less of black-and-white? So why the useless and futile debate on “pornography is okay…; sexual fantasies are only human instinct…; crude talk is harmless…; etc”. The same thing goes for violence. When God says no violence, he really meant it virtually and in reality. Why push it? “Do not speak of falsehood” – do not tell lies. Does it not get any clearer than this? Why smudge it? Do not participate in unwholesome talk – profanities; gossip; discouraging words; insults.. We can run away from the terms used in the bible “e.g. the word gossip is not included” but we can never run away from the intention of God’s instruction.

My point is, that we should not be blinded or fooled by the word controversy. It creates a false blanket of comfort for the frost of guilt. It could just be another one of satan’s ploys to veil our eyes. What seems debatable, really isn’t in God’s perspective. And until we seek God’s heart, to understand the intention and essence of His Word, to know what exactly He is trying to teach us, we will always be confused, easily tossed by the waves, blown by the wind. So let’s not be fooled, or seek comfort in smudging the right-and-wrong of pressing so-called controversial issues. Cause they really aren’t in the first place. Don’t tire ourselves unnecessarily.

In here, I only mention issues pertaining to ourselves – that is, living our lives the way God wants us to. It is only the tip of the iceberg of issues like science, technology, and even in theology, where even amongst Christians, we still debate on denominations, the bible… Sad, but true.

But my hope is that when we know how to live right on a ‘micro’ level, the ‘macro’ level will also follow suit. Whatever causes division, quarrels, segregation… has to be the work of satan, and controversy is just one of them. To divide and conquer – satan’s ploy?

Whilst writing this and sharing my thoughts with Enlin, I find myself uncovering more and more issues. I picture myself standing in front of a vast green field, littered with scraps of thrash and rubbish. Each uncovered thrash like a mine planted, waiting to explode and cause chaos. I prayed and ask for a solution to all this ‘thrash’, and I understood a little more, on why God had to send Jesus to save us.

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Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of the earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace

yesterday was mooncake festival! And neither did we have tea over mooncake, under the moon… instead we had strawberry margharita & husky cuban sounds! Always have ur margharita blended… =P

i love you!

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it’s not much of a countdown, but yea, i’m really turning 21 soon. If you were to ask me to think back of a certain teenage year, I’ll always think of the number ‘15′. It was really the ‘prime’ of my teenage years, if I have to put it that way. I was having the most fun in and out of class… band, 3G3, I was most active in church, I was my ‘thinnest’ (-hiakz-), etc…

But I guess turning 21 is really the time I look back, at celebrate the person I have become, because of the beautiful people in my life. People who made so much difference by adding smiles, encouragement, advice, support, fun and cheer, in this world. =) In a world made up of humans, events usually happen without the ‘human’ interaction side, no i’m not blaming the internet. But its the unwillingness to get your ‘emotions’ involved when you’re working with people in sch or at work. It gets ’sticky’ when you understand why the person can’t churn up the report in time. sometimes, you wish you did not know, so that you had the right to demand. Sad, isn’t it.

But I am thankful, for people in my life who care about me. Who are genuinely interested in what’s going on in my life. I talk to them, and I know they are listening. They ask me a question, and I know they are waiting to listen for me reply. Isn’t it just so simple to really listen? You’ll find that it is tough. You ask ‘how are you?’, already expecting an “i’m ok”. Are we ready if the person says “no, i’m not good…”, and be willing to listen that person out?

But I guess, one can’t spread him/herself out too thin. As long as within the tight circumference of friends, one is a true friend. I guess that’s quite enough. =)

I really can’t say enough about how important a personal relationship is. How God made us humans, to be able to comfort, to be able to give a crying shoulder, to be able to just ’sense’ something wrong, to have a soul in our eyes, to cry with someone, to be able to do so many things that cannot be grasp by any other device which we so heavily depend on for comfort/happiness. Just amazes me. Beautiful people. =)

So! Turning back to 21… a celebration of the person I am because of the beautiful people in my life. =]

2nd day of school today..

school started yesterday. and i like 3-hour-day schedules, it makes 24 hours seem like a much longer time. my longest day should last me 7-hours.

i’m in a point of my life, where i feel like rojak.

sometimes i like wasting time; and sometimes, i hate wasting time.
sometimes i’m enthusiastic; and then i feel silly for being enthusiastic.
sometimes i feel motivated; and yet sometimes i feel unappreciated.
sometimes i feel close to God; and at times I choose to live for myself.
sometimes i’m contented with what I have; and sometimes I wish I had more. and then I feel lousy for thinking that way.

i wish i knew more about current affairs.
i wish i knew what the news is really talking about.
i wish i knew more about businesses. i wish i had a mentor.

i really want this world to be a better place.
i want to rob the rich to give the poor.
i want to cook for every orphan.
i want to dance and not be embarrassed.
I want to sing to the mountains and hear only nature’s applause.

i am thankful for you, the love of my life. =)

i am thankful for great christian friends who lead me back to God — who serve as a bridge when I temporarily lose sight of my walk.

Something to ponder bout… what would you choose? mental pain or physical pain?
-just a thought-

Mulan (Reflection)

Christina Aguilera singing Reflection for Disney’s Mulan. I teared — twice, when I watched this clip. Enjoy friends. Utmost respect for Aguilera man…

calamine calamine calamANSI lotion!

another chance to sit down and blog! =)down with heat rash… again. the last time i got it when i came back from Bintan. This time it’s the good ol’ singapore sun that caused it. eve couldn’t believe i got heat rash in singapore. she asked me twice. haha! yes, and it only took me 2 hours of swimming and reading 1 chapter of a book in the sun to get it. think it’s dry skin. =PpP

Have been painting myself with calamine, till i look like one of those tribal people with white paint all over them. i hate heat rash. but it’s getting slightly better now, at least the itch isn’t as intense, and is still bearable. thank God.

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was feeling delirious in church today, reason being that i have mistakenly had an overdose of my heat rash medicine. I thought it was 1 table, 3 times day. it was supposed to be 1 tablet, once a day. Think i ate 3 as of this morning! My mum was so afraid i’d get fits or something. hehe.. so pple, lesson learnt, nv assume every medicine is a 3 times a day thing, ok!

church today had this really loud, booming speaker. who broke out in random laughter once in a while, which was entertaining yet bewildering at times. i guess the overall message was brought through, about living our lives right with God, so that we can be good vessles for His works in our lives, and in the lives of others, as well as holding on to each other coz we don’t need to go through this alone.

the pastor spoke to me after the service, saying something about how i could dwelve into deeper worship. as much as the respect i give him, i have my own set of principles regarding this. it’s rather touchy in fact, and i guess letting me explain it in person would reduce the level of miscommunication.

i’m cautious about letting worship become too experiential, coz whilst emotions are easily stirred, emotions may be short lived. i believe the way i worship as i lead, should reflect, or at least be parallel to the way i worship when i’m amongst the crowd. not to be hyped up only when i’m leading, but to present an image of true genuine worship. and hey, it’s not a matter of whether you can or cannot lead worship in this or that way. but it’s about worshipping in spirit, and in truth. if u’re worshipping in whichever way down there, if u’re bursting out loud with praises at intervals off the stage, then do so on stage. that’s genuine. my concern is not how you worship on stage, but how you worship on, and off stage. so that’s the foundation that sets my boundaries.

worship is so personal. dont’ let anyone tell you how to worship.

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bx returned me my keyboard today. yay, maybe i can try out a little recording on my own in my room! =) it’s so dusty, i’m allergic to dust. dang, that just reminded me of my heat rash. itchy! -resists scratching-

i’ll be meeting Staircase2 on Tuesday! Quite excited and nervous about it, we’re gonna have dinner, decide on the songs to perform. 1st and 2nd September… it’s just round the corner. ahhhh!

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it’s been 9 days since i’ve ended my internship with oh-see-bee-see. And i’m just thinking of how the people I got to know over there are doing. And I have been wanting to do this for such a long time, but never got to. Now I do:

peiwen: i’m so glad we met! I won’t forget how this ‘dao’ looking girl turned out to be one of the most interesting people i’ve met. I loved how I know I can count on my lunch kaki, and looking forward to all our breaks! How our common topic on fitness, health and exercise never cease to keep us on-the-ball! still doing ur runs gal? haha.. join me for kickboxing soon ok! I can see the kickboxer in u, when u played the wii boxing game, wah fierce man u! =P Oh, and who can forget pingpong.. rushing to the rec club early to book the games we wanna play.. how people with tight shirts looked awful when they play and hog the pool table. haha! I’m glad we also chat at the cafe, 5 loaves 2 fish.. and i’ll remember how u hate sour things! Hope work has been kind on ya these few days.. =) Meet for lunch!!!!!

siwei: this is one xiaomeimei la. still remember your dao face on ur first few weeks. (hmm, why do i make friends with so many dao looking pple man? lol) but i’m glad our ‘misunderstanding’ on the morning greeting dao-ness has been cleared, and we really hit off quite well with the project at hand. haha.. how we always get ‘loaned’ with all kinds of saikang jobs from other departments, and relishing ourselves with people’s money mules from all the classified cases in the miserable room, and the stupid slamming door, and how u got freaked out with the pictures of the case with the deceased guy. =P you learn very fast, i must say. smart girl! I can safely handover everythign to u.. good good! Anywayz, 5 more days to ur last day right, bet u’re counting down man! And u must be thinking, ‘haiya janice spoil market, last day give sth to them. now i dunno whether i should give them sth also.’ hhahah! =ppPpp yo, ktv one day man. haha

ivan: king of slackerz. come to work at 930am when we’re supposed to be there at 9am. always the first to initiate coffee breaks. and successfully converting yaohui to become slack also. haha… seriously it would have been so mundane la, so i’m thankful for u too. and how u always ask pw and i for suggestions on ur anniversary present, searching for gifts and all.. that’s so nice. i wish you and brennie (i hope ig ot her name right) all the best! forever and ever ya! =P I’ll look out for a black hyundai, and if u ever do decide to put the white fluffy thing, do let me know as well. haha. oh oh, pingpong is so fun too! remember, badminton? yea with ur gf ok..

yh: happily in india,pangseh us halfway. u GOOD. but i’m glad u relaxed quite alot, at least i guess you won’t come in 30mins earlier on ur 1st of work in future! =P And yea, i still won’t forget how you got us the free tour a True, with what’s his name… Peter? Haha, that guy’s name card is pasted on ur card la. so it’ll serve as a gentle reminder of the thick & thin we went through with you, so that you could find ur spa arena. =PpP No la.. but all in all, u’re a nice fella. And brought much laughter too. Study hard ok, and don’t burn ur fingers with the stocks and shares ok! All the best with that man… One more thing, nxt time we’ll skip ur name when there’s admin/photocopying/arrangement/stapling job to do..(ya know what i mean.. haha, we stayed back almost 2 hrs la!!) Not complaining la.

anywayz, yeap all of you made a difference! ^-^ THANK YOU!

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listening to mayday cd now.
eating honeydew.. sweet~

eve: girl, don’t tire urself out ok. nxt time, just let me know, u don’t have to lead with me ya. don’t burn out!

1 more week till school starts!